Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Why Girls? Why not a Boy?

I have been asked "Why are you planning to adopt all girls? Why not a boy?" My answer- I don't know? When we decided to adopt we envisioned girls. It started out as 2 girls and then grew to 3-4 daughters. We have 4 birth sons and one birth daughter. Our desire for another daughter was one of the reasons we decided to adopt. It was kind of the bait that God used to lead us to adoption. I think it was very smart of our dear Lord! 

When we had our "last" child I was pretty certain it was a girl. We had 3 boys and one girl. Katie was aching for a sister and I was thinking it was time for some pink in this house of blue. Because I was just over 35 we had an ultrasound. Being a nurse and already having 4 children I could read it. It was as plain as day-that little thing was a boy! I was shocked! I announced to the ultrasound tech and she agreed! I quickly did some fast praying- I had some experience in the Lord's miracles so I figured- no prob, he can do this! We checked again... it was still a boy! Well, I kept praying and after checking 7 times , he was still a boy. I am not proud of this but it took me 3 days to be able to tell others my darling little unborn child was a boy. Before that I would burst into tears (I am sure the hormones had something to do with this because we couldn't be happier with our wonderful son!). We told Katie that we knew how much she loved having her own room so the good news was - she didn't have to share because the baby was a boy.  She was a bit disappointed but handled it well. After our little adorable Johnny was born- Mark moved into Katie's room. She would hear Matt and Billy talking at night and thought it sounded like so much fun! So Mark was given the okay to move in! She didn't give him much space. Just a bed with a blue comforter and a blankie in the sea of pink. He was on the bottom bunk and she was on the top. That worked out okay because then the robbers would get him first. Poor Mark- he had no idea he was bait for the robbers. He is such a good sport!

Okay- I need to get back on point here- I think the fact that we did not have another birth daughter helped lead us to adoption. I truly believe that was part of God's plan! When we were trying to decide what direction to go in, what country to go with we saw the Stephen Curtis Chapman video. That was it- we knew our daughters were in China! We felt like God was talking to us through that video.

So often in this process we go one way and then we are quickly lead in another direction. We started out in the China healthy child program but I felt that we were being called in a different direction. I felt our daughter was in the WIC program. When China changed their rules and the wait was increasing we began to consider the wic program. Within a few days we saw a picture of our darling daughter Anna. We scooped her up in seconds flat! It really didn't matter what the adoption clinic said- we knew she was ours! With Sarah we were planning to adopt another little one with cleft L/P but we saw her and fell in love! So we usually don't go with our well thought out plan!

Okay, I need to get back on point here! I have dreamed we adopted a boy. His name is Luke. In case you haven't noticed that is the only gospel we don't have... our friends would tease us- the "gospel according to Billy???" What were you thinking? where is Luke?? We already have Matthew, Mark and John! 

It is weird to choose a boy or a girl- it seems right to let God choose and then go with it but in adoption you usually get to choose. I can tell you reasons why we will probably go with girls but it really doesn't make much sense. Children are such a blessing that it doesn't matter if it is a girl or a boy. They are incredible gifts from God and they are only on loan to us- they are his!

Hubby and I talked about it tonight. Of course when you sit down and when you talk it SEEMS to make sense but having lots of kids doesn't always make sense. We have learned that usually you trust God and just go for it!

I know we have another daughter in China. I know she is alive right now. I can hardly wait to get to her and bring her home. Her name is Ella- we will call her Ellie. Maybe she is a twin (doubtful) maybe there is another little girl after Ellie, maybe not. Maybe we have children in another country... I don't know? I guess we have to wait for God to reveal his plan to us! I am so grateful to God for even having a plan like this for our family! Thank you Jesus!

BTW boys are easier! They are such a joy and they love their Mommies soooooo much!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Hebrews 13:6

The verse to remember for this week is-
That is why we can say with confidence "The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?"
Hebrews 13:6

When we were in China with Sarah I never verbalized this but I thought how different if felt to bring an older child out of her country. She could speak chinese beautifully, she seemed to love her culture and her homeland. To her we were odd looking, we talked funny and what on earth could we offer her to make her want to leave her home? I felt for a moment like I was abducting her. I really felt like I needed to completely trust and rely on God because to me it didn't feel quite right. Don't get me wrong- I knew she was our daughter, I knew I was meant to be her Mama. I was excited and up for the challenge that laid ahead of us BUT I still felt like- is this really okay? Is this what is best for her? Am I being selfish and seeking my own desires? 

I have learned more and more about the children that are left in the orphanage- about their future and what happens to most of them. It is not a pretty picture, it is not a happy life- they so deserve better than that. They are God's beautiful children and they so deserve a Mommy and a Daddy- a home, a family, love, education, food, clothing, warmth and hope for their future! We didn't do this to get a better spot in heaven or because we think we are wonderful - We adopt because we love children, we love parenting and we feel this is where God is guiding us. 

Today our sweet little daughter has been home 7 weeks! I have known my daughter for almost 9 weeks. She is a perfect match for our family, a decision made by our dear Lord! Sarah is doing so well but doing so well is relative. She runs into knew frustrations each day- whether it is language related, feelings related, situation related- who knows? Today I asked her during one of her whining spells that turned into a crying spell- "Are you sad?", "Yes, Sarah sad." "Why" I asked- "What are you sad about?" and then we didn't have the words to continue our conversation- so we hugged. Sarah does so well at home- home is safe, familiar and comfortable. Today we went to playgroup. She is not confident enough in her english to talk to other children, she played but I am not sure IF she played WITH others. There was another 8 yr old girl in the group and she was too shy to talk to her or acknowledge her- I hope with more time this will get better. At one point I had to say to her as one of the little girls was trying to hold her hand " how much the younger children LOVE her just like she loves Katie. They want to play with you" I said. She did better going downstairs with the kids but I think she just needs more time to get comfortable with these new experiences.

Everyday I need to trust the Lord. He is my comforter and my refuge- their is nothing to be afraid of - so each day we forge ahead! It is such a journey- I am grateful to God that he allowed this to happen. I am amazed with this little girl and all she has been through. Everyday has it's challenges! I feel like I am always trying to evaluate the situation. At times Sarah acts 2 yr old - like Anna and at times she acts 8 yrs old. Sometimes she needs comfort, other times she is crying out for attention and then there is times that she is fiercely independent and competent. We try so hard to do what is right for her, for us and for our family. All in all, I think things are going very well. It would be nice if there was a play by play manual for this journey but I guess all kids are different. I want to give her the love and comfort she needs and yet help her to grow and be all that she can be. We also need to create an environment that we all can live in- where Mom and Dad have a moment to breath and the older kids have a little space too. Sarah understands here needs but she does not always understand others needs. We need to teach boundaries- which can be challenging. She would love to tear through the mail but then bills get lost- so we have to set limits on that- we actually have to do a lot of teaching on boundaries, limits, manors, appropriate behavior. She has come a long way and we look forward to the journey continuing! I am really looking forward to the next level of communication/talking!

This is a picture of the 2 girls and their Momma during a whining spell that turned into a crying spell. I had to be quite creative to reach the camera and take the pic! I look a little silly but I thought - hey- this is my life... and I love it!

Thank you to Jesus- the ultimate comforter and protector! There is nothing to be afraid of!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Dear Linny,

I think Linny sounds so cute! I like calling you that!

I just have a few things I wanted to say to you so I figured since you still read blogs this might be a good way to reach you! Plus this is my personal feelings and ramblings of a christian woman blog, so here it is! 

I know you are incredibly busy and you have soooo much going on- with all that you are going through right now you are still so kind and thoughtful of others. When I see that you have commented on my blog- I think wow- what a neat person. Here, she is going through probably one of the most challenging times of her life and she is thinking of others. You amaze me, I am honored to be one of your bloggy lovin, adoption lovin, lord lovin friends. You are a shining example of what the Lord wants us to do in the face of tragedy. Love him even more, thank him, serve him, trust him and move forward with him! Linny- you are too cool! I want to encourage you to keep going girl! The opposition would love it if you crumbled and were filled with anger but that's not you - you, just love and trust him more!

You should know that your bloggy ministry is such a good thing- keep it going! You are reaching more and more people out there! We all come with different needs and desires but we come with one thing in common- we are hungry for Jesus! Your blog, your ministry, sharing your life like you do is so helpful to sooooo many! It is so encouraging!

One of the things I love the most is what we have in common- the children (well okay, our age, too). It is all about the kids! It's all about loving them , serving our Lord and spreading the joy!
You focus on the good and the positive- everyday you spread the joy!

What you and your family have been through is awful- I cannot imagine the grief you all must feel, and the fear you felt as it was happening. When I try to think about it- I feel so sad and actually have to stop thinking about it- it is an overwhelming thought. You are all in my payers throughout the days. 

I want to thank you from me and I am guessing sooooo, soooooo many others. Thanks for being a great bloggy friend, thanks for your "yippee Jesus", for your spiritual guidance, for being a great mom with awesome kids and for your thoughtfulness!
God's Blessings to you!

Monday, January 12, 2009

What is wrong with me... Or maybe it is what is right with me?

Honestly- I do not understand this? What is going on with me and why am I this way? I think it is a good thing but sometimes I wonder if I am crazy? I say God what is wrong with me- why am I kid crazy? For me there is no limit- I would continue to adopt until someone told me NO. With all of our pregnancies I was sooo sooo sick that 5 was all I could do but now I say perfect plan Lord- I love your children and now I realize my children are waiting for me... all over the world! 

I do happen to be married to what I believe is the most wonderful man in the world. He says to me- "honey, I am going to protect you from you"! This guy loves me a lot- what a blessing! He has set a limit of 4 adoptions. Actually I think he is pretty reasonable BUT there are times I don't want limits- I just want to see what God has in store for us. In reality, I think my hubby is wise and I need to be peaceful and see where God leads us. 

I feel so strongly (and actually hubby does, too) that there is another little girl in China waiting for us. Because I have seen the miracle of adoption actually happen, I am anxious to get to her and bring her home. I know we have a ways to go with our sweet Sarah but it is almost painful knowing that another child is waiting for us. Sarah tells us how she had no Mama and no Babba and now she does! We tell her "thank you so much Sarah for waiting for us!" We were meant to be together! You are our little girl and you belong with your Mama and your Babba, with your family! She says love ya, love ya family- it is so stinkin sweet!

It is our dream to bring our daughters home and then to help other families bring their children home. I want to be Mommy to all of them BUT I know I can't be- so it is my deepest/ our deepest dream/prayer that we can bring the children home to their Mommys and their Daddys. Thank you Jesus! Please help us make this dream come true!